Eyelids

If you really knew me, you know that I don’t want to be like my sisters

one has a heart of stone and the other has one of paper

you’d know that I don’t want to be like my brothers

one thinks he is the smartest person alive and the other isn’t alive

If you knew me you’d know that one day I’ll go to OUTER SPACE 

and I don’t care how many times my mom tells me a science degree isn’t worth anything because that’s my dream

If you really knew me you’d know that I never wear earrings and a necklace at the same time, only because I’m OCD

you’d know that I hate wearing my hair in a ponytail 

you’d know that I have a green parrot with orange hair and a white face 

you’d know that every morning he sits on my shoulder while I get ready and 

every morning I let him drink my orange juice because he loves orange juice

But even if you knew me, you wouldn’t know this 

that my heart has learned the hard way that sometimes the only way to be safe in this world is to just close your eyes. 

you wouldn’t know about that night, in a basement with white walls where my hands and feet and mouth couldn’t fight

you wouldn’t know that in most ways I failed that night, 

but in one small way I succeeded

I didn’t open my eyes

so at least I didn’t have to see

at least I could close my eyes and block everything out

yeah, even if you really knew me you wouldn’t know that somedays that doesn’t feel like enough

but most days it does

If I really knew you I would tell you to protect your eyes 

because what you see is the only thing that can keep reappearing in your head

and your eyes don’t heal

I would tell you to go ahead and trust people with your heart

but never with your eyes

I don’t really know you, I don’t know what your eyes have seen

but i know that you have had moments where all you can do is close them tight

and even though I don’t really know you

I’m so proud that you did