Eyelids

If you really knew me, you know that I don’t want to be like my sisters

one has a heart of stone and the other has one of paper

you’d know that I don’t want to be like my brothers

one thinks he is the smartest person alive and the other isn’t alive

If you knew me you’d know that one day I’ll go to OUTER SPACE 

and I don’t care how many times my mom tells me a science degree isn’t worth anything because that’s my dream

If you really knew me you’d know that I never wear earrings and a necklace at the same time, only because I’m OCD

you’d know that I hate wearing my hair in a ponytail 

you’d know that I have a green parrot with orange hair and a white face 

you’d know that every morning he sits on my shoulder while I get ready and 

every morning I let him drink my orange juice because he loves orange juice

But even if you knew me, you wouldn’t know this 

that my heart has learned the hard way that sometimes the only way to be safe in this world is to just close your eyes. 

you wouldn’t know about that night, in a basement with white walls where my hands and feet and mouth couldn’t fight

you wouldn’t know that in most ways I failed that night, 

but in one small way I succeeded

I didn’t open my eyes

so at least I didn’t have to see

at least I could close my eyes and block everything out

yeah, even if you really knew me you wouldn’t know that somedays that doesn’t feel like enough

but most days it does

If I really knew you I would tell you to protect your eyes 

because what you see is the only thing that can keep reappearing in your head

and your eyes don’t heal

I would tell you to go ahead and trust people with your heart

but never with your eyes

I don’t really know you, I don’t know what your eyes have seen

but i know that you have had moments where all you can do is close them tight

and even though I don’t really know you

I’m so proud that you did

Belt Loops

well, today I decided not to think about you

because thoughts of you drag me down

so I set the dial on my brain to block you out

and every time a little thought of you would creep in

my frontal lobe would squish its guts

I was doing very well

but then I saw your dad

then later, your sister

it was the universe was doing everything in it's power

to keep you wrapped up inside my skull

I  g u e s s  t h a t s  w h e r e  y o u  b e l o n g . 

But maybe if I fight thoughts of you with all my might

the universe will do what it did today

and everyday I don't think about you

it will pull you closer to me

I am going to trick the universe

with a little old fashion reverse psychology

yes, this plan is perfect

fool proof

and when it drops you right in front of me

I'll tie our left hands together

and hook our belt loops with a bungee chord

Then, everything will be perfect.

Egg Shells

Sometimes I don’t feel a thing

beneath my face is just a grey stone 

I can make them all think I care

My eyes know just when to light up

Sometimes I feel a shell forming on my skin

and if I try to move from it’s mold it breaks and pierces me

My roots don’t want soil to burrow in

they just want to sway in the wind and smell new smells

One time, you told me you loved me

but it bounced off my shell and shattered on the ground

I wanted to catch it on the way down

but my knees wouldn’t bend

Everyday my shell grows thicker

But one day

I’m going to meet someone with a hammer

or a band saw

whichever. 

and once they break through the shell

they can tell me that they love me

and it will just absorb into my soft skin

Two Inches

SOMETIMES TWO INCHES CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING

I have heard stories of an 11 year old boy

He was playing outside on a zip line

It was fast, too fast

His head smacked against the metal pole

His pulse hit against his chest like a drum

And then it was quiet

His chest was still

The helicopter blades pushed through the sky

They fought so hard

The pockets of air beat along with my heart

But not his

I was calm

But my foot still tapped against the cold tile floor

Raising two inches each time

It was a long night

I sat by him and looked into his eyes

I saw the crack in his skull

His skin was pale

Never again did my brother open his eyes

He never again kissed his dog or shot a basketball

He never again played beautiful music on the piano

Those two inches on his head

Were the only two inches that would kill him

Like an Achilles heel

Two inches is only the size of a pinky finger

But to my family, two inches is everything

We didn't get a miracle that day

But his organs gave many miracles to others

Maybe one day we'll get one back

AND IT WILL ONLY BE TWO INCHES LONG

Get It Out

It was a wild idea to start with

But now it's expanding inside of my head

It looked just like a river but was a freeway in the dark

I've never been this ready in my life

There's too many things I haven't seen

My safe thought of staying seems STALE

The only risk is doing nothing

I'm out

Bigger and better

Do What You Love

Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary
-Steve Jobs

Sleep

Sleep is an escape from life, a way to fast forward life, and how everyone wants to end their life.